Mommy 101

I started babysitting my friend Cara's little 14 month old son, Davin, on T/Th/Fri mornings. Why not? It's another distraction from my paper, and he's totally cute....right? Well, first off, it's nothing like this picture over here where both kids look anxiously engaged and ready to do whatever babysitter tells them. Let's just say I am learning a lot about what you Mom's out there probably already know, but nobody warned me. So, here's a little of what I've learned in my Mommy 101 course on T/Th/Fri mornings thus far:

1) Little boys like to "play with themselves" while you are changing their poopy diapers. And, though this may sound funny or cute, it's not either when the poop is next smeared all over you and them and their changing table. I was so shocked that I ended putting the diaper on backwards. Cara called me later that night laughing. I asked her what was so funny. She had found the backwards diaper.

2) I now know why every mother is always running late. I made some plans to meet a fellow Mom and her kids, who Davin knows, to walk to the water park from the mall so the kids could play. Simple enough right? Wrong. This is how it went: First, we had to get the car seat in the car which took multiple tries in order to assure Davin was not going to fall out once we start driving. (Is there such thing as a car seat that is easy to put in the car? They should have some sort of IQ requirement or something- I would pass, but barely). Next, put Davin in his car seat (big mistake #1). Think okay...we are ready to go, and then remember we need the stroller...and a swim suit...and a towel...and diapers, and wipes, and a special diaper for wearing in the water, and snacks, and water in a sippy cup, and a toy for the car. After multiple trips in and out of the house, Davin is now crying in his car seat (which is when I realize I should have loaded the stuff first and Davin last). It took a good 15 minutes just to load the car which is why I will never think poorly of a family with young children who walk in late to church ever again. We make it to the mall and Jen, my other Mommy friend, has to help me open the stroller (she has a very high IQ- I'm guessing much higher than mine). She then asked me if I had brought a hat for Davin. A hat! I thought I had already packed the whole house, but I forgot a hat and also sunscreen. Fortunately, Jen loaned me some of her kids' sunscreen.

3) This day I also learned the sacred ritual of nap time. So sacred, that if your kid is asleep in the car, you keep driving until the nap is over unless you want the nap to be...over. After being thoroughly tuckered out from playing at said park, Davin was out within minutes of pulling out of the mall parking lot. What do I do now? Gas prices are astronomical right? However, I think most mom's would agree that gas prices are not too steep for the trade-off of a good nap especially if the gas is from Costco- the cheapest in town and a bit of a drive across town to buy us some time. I drove as slow as was socially acceptable, went to Costco to get gas-which takes a while with the line-up, and slowly drove home. Still asleep. I unloaded the whole car. Still asleep. Now for Davin. I figured I would quietly take him out of the car seat and then lay him in bed to continue his nap. Back to above...why are car seats so tricky? By the time I figure out how to get him out, I had made so much of a racket that he was now awake. I lay him in bed and think...he's still tired, he'll fall right back to sleep. WRONG! He screamed for 30 minutes, and I finally gave in to the fact that nap time was officially over. Bummer. Which brings us to...

4) Still 2 hours till Mommy gets home, and we've already played outside, watched baby Einstein, read all the books in the house, played with all the toys in the house (which is a lot), played outside some more, and now nap time is over? What now? SNACK TIME! (Q: How much Baby Einstein can you leagally allow your baby to watch before you are taken away for turning your baby's head to mush by letting them watch too much tv? A: They can't lock you up for allowing your baby to watch movies with the term Einstein is in the title. It actually makes them smarter and has not effect on mushiness of the brain. That has to be fact right?)

5) Teeth. Babies chew on everything right? So, you would think I would have expected this, but totally didn't. Davin and I went to Mommy aerobics on Tuesday morning at the church gym. P.S. Mommy aerobics is a much better work out when you don't have a kid that you have to run after every five minutes so they don't cause harm to themselves or others. Anyways, Davin would try to crawl up the stage steps every few minutes. Each time, I said no and turned his attention to something less dangerous which could not result in a plummet to his death. And each time, it worked wonders for a total of 5 minutes at which point he proceeded to again climb the stairs. After the third time of me pulling him off the stairs, he...BIT ME. I guess he was annoyed at me spoiling his plans. I can't believe he bit me! He is a good kid most of the time and then he goes and bites me. My friend Tara said that just means he's getting used to me. Great! What can I expect him to do next now that he's used to me? I've heard rumors of kids peeing on you when you change their diapers- I hope he never gets that "comfortable" with me.

6) And, this is really important! NEVER forget to put the bib on when you are feeding a 14 month old his lunch. (Maybe you mothers who started with kids from day one have this learned by 14 months- I now consider myself to have learned too).

I hope I didn't make this kid sound like he is a monster. He is really very, very sweet. And, overall I am loving getting to spend some time with him. It has just been an accelerated Mommy 101 course for me.