Someone really had it out for women

I've been encourgaged to make a new blog entry because a dear friend of mine is tired of looking at that awful picture of Derek and I. I don't blame her either. I thought she might enjoy this picture instead.

So, this is a thought I had the other day after my almost 30 minute shower. It was 30 minutes because I had to wash my face to remove all oils and prevent any sign of acne (a far fetched dream I know, but girls are not supposed to have acne, and if they do they are supposed to cover it up so no one can tell right?). Next, I proceeded to scrub my entire body with a pleasantly aromatic soap because girls are always supposed to smell great! Then, with shaving cream for baby soft skin lathered and in place, I shave both legs making sure to get the bikini line just in case I decide to show my body in a swim suit even though I have no plans to. Next, I wash and condition my hair with some expensive shampoo and conditioner for hair so healthy it shines. Somewhere in here Derek interupts my methodical showering to ask if I'm almost done because I'm taking forever. (I wonder why as I now have to flush the shampoo out of my eye that his interuption caused). I proceed by leaving the conditioner in place for a few minutes to get the full effect as I scrub my feet with a pumice stone because a lady's feet should show no sign of crack or roughness and also make sure not to forget to shave my arm pits. Really the amazing thing is that I was able to do all that in 30 minutes!

Then, after that exhausting time spent in the shower it is not done! I have to get dressed in some fashionable, presentable outfit that I haven't worn too often in the presence of anyone I may come in contact with that day so that no one will think I wear the same clothes over and over again. Next, I return to the bathroom where I spend a good 15 minutes making sure my face is presentable with make-up that blends with my skin tones, brings out the color in my eyes, and highlights my God-given facial features or lack thereof. The time is usually prolonged by my daily accidental smearing of mascara which I try to rub off, and in the process, also rub off all the eye shadow which then must be reapplied.

After this feat is completed, and it is a feat, I now have to style my hair. This requires putting in some product for wet hair, having the right arrangement of brushes and blow dryers (not to mention the staighteners and curling irons that most people also include), and then when finished, putting in some product for now dry hair. Then, after what has been an hour-long battle for beauty, I look in the mirror and think jeez...I hate the way I look today.

The thing that makes this whole process worse is that after I finished my shower, Derek got in. By the time I had picked out something to wear, he was already done. As I am still trying to decide which color eye shadow to apply, he walks into the bathroom wearing the same shirt he wears like every 3 days. He looks in the mirror as his hair basically falls into place and calls it good for the day. I ask, is this fair?

My whole question is WHY? Why do I have to wear make-up, style my hair, shave my legs and armpits, and pluck my eyebrows to be presentable to society. WHY? Who decided that this should be? I'm beginning to think the hippies I'm surrounded by here have the right idea. No make-up, don't shave, hair does whatever it wants, don't care what they wear. They are free-spirits, au naturel, and I'm beginning to think I just might join them.

Cruel Joke

So, I don't know if I got tagged as a cruel joke after my post about how this is my blog and not Derek and Chelsea's blog, but I got tagged. And so, I must write about us. And, I suppose I'll even let Derek throw in his two cents.

1.Where did you meet your husband?

She said: We were in the same ward, but of course I wasn't cute enough for Derek to notice. Instead, he came over to my house with Alex because we were all in Calculus, and they were desperately in need of some tutoring. And I, (being the socialite that I am) even did homework in groups. So, I decided to started a caclulus homework group. They basically came to copy my answers I think.

He said: She was my calculus tutor. Even though I ended up dropping the class, she refused to stop "tutoring me."

2. What was the first thing you said to your husband?

She said: I think I came in late to the first homework studying session at my house because I had to rush over straight from teaching that semesters first class in the anatomy lab. I walked into my own apartment and everyone was sitting around the table with their books, paper, and calculators. Alex asked how my first class went. I told them I hate the first class because all the "kids" (as I referred to them) just stare at you with these faces like they are totally lost. Then, Derek said something like, "You know why they are really staring at you right?" Trying to make some comment about how I'm gorgeous and they were really all just awestricken by my amazing beauty (as if...he was such a player).

He said: I said some sweet line about how all the guys were checking her out. Who knew that pick up lines actually work.

3. Where was your first date?

She said: One night after the calculus study group, he asked if I was hungry. I said yes, and we went to Sconecutters and then just sat there and talked forever.

He said: What can I say, I'm classy. First date at Sconecutters.

4. Where was your first kiss?

She said: All his roomates were out of town, so we decided to hang out. We were going to go to my cousin's party, but Derek insisted that he was too tired to go to a party, and instead we decided to watch newsies alone at my place (Newsies? I think he had other plans, like I said he was a total player). So, there we are watching Newsies, alone, on my couch. We starting kissing and seconds later my roomates come busting through the door. We both jump apart as if nothing had happened. My roomates knew otherwise.

He said: Chelsea blames the whole first kiss on me; however, that is not true. She seduced me. Her roommates know that.

5. Did you have a long or short engagement/courtship?

She said: We dated a little over a year and then we were engaged for about two and a half months.

He said: We actually didn't date for a full year. She bailed on me and went to London for a summer. She basically forgot who I was. When she got home she begged me to take her back.

6. Where did you get engaged?

She said: He propsed to me at the Mt. Timpanogos Temple. I was sorta a terd and ruined the whole thing. I'll let him tell you about that.

He said: Chel and I would often go to the Temple just to chill and talk. So we went to the Temple like normal, but this time she refused to get out of the car. I promised that I would make it worth her while, but she still refused. She was clueless (and still is). She finally got out of the car begrudgingly and I popped the question. Not the most romantic. I set the expectations really low. That is the key. Low expectations.

7. Where did you get married?

She said: We got married at the Mt. Timpanogos Temple on May 29th, 2004.

He said: Yep. After the ceremony we only had a few hours before our reception, and we were hungry. So we jumped in the car and went to BurgerKing. Chel could not move that well in her huge wedding dress so we went through the drive through. Like I said, classy.

8. How did the reception go?

She said: Alright. My parents hate each other. This was the first time they were in the same room outside of a courtroom since their divorce. It was a little awkward. Plus, I was bummed about the whole thing. It was supposed to be outside in the Rose Garden at Thanksgiving Point. But, it was cold and windy and my poor Grandmother from Arizona begged me to move it inside. So, we did. I still get a little torn up about it whenever I think about how it was supposed to be in the rose garden.

He said: Chel still can't look at roses without thinking about the dang Rose Garden. They are just flowers.

9. How was the honeymoon?

She said: We went to Oahu, Hawaii. We stayed at the Turtle Bay resort which was beautiful. Plus, we ran into one of Derek's old mission friends at the front desk, and he gave us enough free coupons for the breakfast buffet to go every morning we were there. Overall the trip was fun, except for the entire day we had to spend at the Polynesian Cultural Center (from the time it opened until it closed). I was a little tired of the place by the end...plus, we were on our honeymoon for goodness sake!!! And, I could totally think of something else I would have rather been doing.

He said: Honeymoon was great. She sure has changed her tune in regards to her last sentence.

And, I'm not going to TAG anyone because I myself don't really like to be tagged. And, Heather and Tara just so you know...I do intend to respond to your tags at some point.

The Aluminum Man

I know you have all probably heard of those iron man triathlons where people who are crazy (and I mean crazy) swim the entire Atlantic Ocean, then bike up and down Mt. Everest, and then run across the entire continental United States, or something to that nature. Well, this weekend I did the Aluminum Man. It was nothing compared to an iron man, but I was still proud of myself. It consisted of a 1/2 mile swim, 12.4 mile bike, and 3.1 mile run. Totally do-able in my book.

The race was up in "The Dalles" in the columbia river gorge. The town is actually called "The Dalles." And the "the" is part of the city name. It was pretty funny taking our exit that stated toward "west The Dalles." Anyways, it was a beautful and fun place for a race.

I on the otherhand, was pretty much the most white-trash triathlete there. First of all, I did not have the customized triathlon racing suit/outfit. I was wearing my rafting wet suit and my Plaque Attackers Smile Club t-shirt that I have had since childhood which I was given for getting three consecutive over 95% ratings on my brushing skills by my childhood dentist. Then, my bike was a little "behind the times." Everyone had these amazing, light-weight, road bikes. My bike is a 30-year-old, rusty geared, (due to the fact that I left it out in the rain throughout the entire Oregon rainy season last year), 10 speed (though I only had 5 speeds that worked) road bike with tires that were cracking to the point I was amazed they lasted through the whole race. I indeed had the crappiest bike there. And, I was well aware of this as everyone passed me during the bike portion of the race including at least 3 overweight, out of shape, probably over 50-year-olds.

Nonetheless, I finished. I had a great time, and I am going to finally post some pictures of myself on my blog (for the first time). That is under the condition that no one makes fun of how ugly I am in all of them. (I was doing a triathlon for goodness sake, and that it grounds for no make-up, undone hair, and ugly mis-matched clothes!)
This is me and my racing partner, Katie, showing off our permently marked arms and legs with our race numbers. I still have these numbers mind you and had to wear a long sleeved shirt and long skirt to church today to cover them up!
This is us in our sweet wet suits and hot pink swim caps signifying our start time. The hot pink caps were intentional and required race gear, so the lifeguards could spot us drowning from the pacific ocean if need be.
This is after we were all done. Amazing we were still standing really. And, those are our sweet bikes on the back of the car.

On the way home we stopped at Multanomah Falls in the Columbia Gorge. I want everyone to know this is the long awaited picture of Derek and I on MY blog. And, just for all you folks that wanted to see his gorgeous face...I didn't blot it out! P.S. Note the proudly sported Aluminum Man t-shirt (the only real reason I paid to do that triathlon in the first place)!